Sheer stupidity

So many headlines I could incorporate into this topic, but I will refrain in order to focus on the issue at hand.

I would consider myself an impulsive buyer. I have half a dozen of everything in the world that proves that. The second season of Rocky and Bullwinkle is the classic example used by my family. As I stroll down the aisles of any store it's like the products shout out to me begging me to purchase them, some admittedly more appealing than others. Unfortunately these small cries have a semi-hypnotic effect upon my feeble human mind. The most recent proof of such being my excursion to the gas station today for a free item.

The straw.

The Albertson's gas station is across the street from my place of employment. The careless staff at Carl's Jr. either forgot or intentionally did not give me a straw, and I will NOT be made a fool of sucking on the top of a plastic lid in front of my co-workers. My purpose was clear. Retrieve straw and return. The door swung open and I calmly strolled down one of the aisles to make it seem as though I was interested in anything they had to offer while slowly inching my way closer to my objective. Tiny voices shouted from the shelves, much like stadiums to these infernal bastard candies. I turned to look back, mistake. The voices continued screaming and a strange milky way caught my eye. I fell into it's 2 for 2$ trance and the battle was lost. While my primary objective was still achieved, my wallet suffered a casualty.

I tell this tale only to set up the following example of my slavery to this addiction of throwing money where it has no business being. The identity of the following product will be withheld until the end of the story to create an anti-climatic end to the story.

Up the aisle I walked, once again tormented by tiny voices from ad campaigns. Some loud, sharp cries; some soothing promises of full flavor with no calories. It's unfair. I am at a disadvantage. "What if I cover my ears to bock out the shouting?" "Stop yelling at me!" These thoughts plague me, but I must control it lest the public be lead to believe I am crazy, which I obviously am not.

A voice.

"Two things that don't belong together in the same bottle!"

This is new....

"You know I can't taste good, but you want me anyways."

Whatever...

"I'm in your cart."

So you are.

Why was I interested in such a self-loathing approach to marketing? I may never know. But as I open the bottle and put it to my lips I realize that it was no exaggeration. Perhaps the cure to my impulsive buying has been found.

This story brought to you by © Snow Sparkling Mint Beverage.

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